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Showing posts from 2021

My bleeding heart

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I don’t even know what to say. I write when my heart is heavy. Yet it’s like I’m so numb by what’s going on I can’t even explain it. It’s like living a dream… but not those sweet fairy tale dreams that I wish for. It’s the nightmares. The ones that never stop. It’s reality. It’s life.  But it’s not a true nightmare for me. I’m just watching it mainly. I’m comfortable. Sure, not near as comfy as if I were stateside, but I’m well. I have what I need. But not my neighbors. They’re suffering. Their nightmare continues on even after they wake up. They’re not watching it, they’re living it.  The motorcycle taxi driver quoted one of my employees how much it would cost for her to get a ride to and from La Limyè. It was half of her daily wage. Which is a fair wage. But with gas off the street being $20 a gallon, what do you expect… instead she walked the several miles home in the pitch black because there are no streetlights. It’s not fair.  They tell me of a lady who was pregnant but because o

Sinking ships

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 Life can be so overwhelming at times and everything can feel like a sinking ship at one moment and perfect harmony on a mountain top the very next. As my heart was pounding with anxiety the other day all it took to calm me down was hearing the nannies and the girls start singing sweet hymns at the top of their lungs praising God amidst so much heartache and disasters and grief in the world. I couldn’t help but have tears in my eyes.  Amanda sat on the floor making a circle around her with building blocks and said “look Mommy Ellie I made an airplane so I can go visit God”  “What are you going to tell Him when you get there, DaDa?”  “mèsi”.  She’s going to tell the King, “thank you.” “Because even when I  walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid” psalm 23:4  And even though “the wicked are stringing their bows and fitting their arrows on the bowstrings, the Lord still rules from heaven” psalm 11:2&4  And even in this parched and weary land, your unfailing love is bette

Kidnappings

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Written on 9-26-21   I listened as I was told story after story of what’s been happening in just the last 72 hours….  Haiti is a “level 4 DO NOT TRAVEL” country and has been for a long time. In the past it’s been due to road blocks and riots, robberies and protests. But now it’s kidnappings. Though the others still are happening often, kidnapping is increasing rapidly in so many areas. Haitian, American, French, it doesn’t matter where you’re from or the color of your skin the gangs are kidnapping people for ransom left and right. Young and old. Locals and foreigners.  It’s exhausting mentally and emotionally to watch it play out.  I’ve been told not to go to the grocery store in the city any time soon. I haven’t been in over a month. I’ve been warned not to go renew my residence permit yet. Not to go pick up my mail. Not to go into the city at all for the time being.  It’s exhausting because we all hear about the kidnappings, see the faces of the victims and then just wait to see if t

The Journey

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    This month marks 8 years living in Haiti February marked 10 years of being a follower of Jesus.  The good, the bad, and the ugly  The blood, sweat, and tears  The highs and the lows  The mountain tops and the valleys  The births and the deaths  the thrills and the burnouts I’ve named babies and I’ve bought caskets.  I’ve watched the child overcome starvation and watched starvation kill the child.  I’ve seen miracles and I’ve seen witchcraft  I’ve seen the work of God and I’ve seen the work of the devil.  I’ve dreamed dreams and lost visions  I’ve had nothing and I’ve been full.  This island has taught me to grow up faster than I thought I would through my 20s. This island life taught me how to pay taxes, drive without a GPS, and negotiate through any and every purchase. These people have taught me how to love no matter what, forgive even when it hurts, understand that not everything is right vs wrong but sometimes just different.  They’ve taught me how to fight instead of flight. T

God Listens

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 Yesterday evening our little puppy got out and ran to the neighbors yard. Our neighbor is a voodoo priest and no one is allowed to go into his garden behind his house except him because that’s where spirits come and sacrifices are made. Even the people that were in his home weren’t aloud to go into the garden and he wasn’t home for us to ask permission. So we waited and waited for the puppy to find it’s way back home but it was already getting dark and the dog was somewhere in the giant field of plantains that were off limits to everyone except the witch doctor. It wasn’t fear that kept my security guards  from going into his garden to look for the dog, it was respect for our neighbor and his property.  I told the girls to pray and if God wanted the dog to come back and live with us, we’d find her. The girls prayed and ask God to lead the dog back to our home and then we all went to sleep. The next morning, the little puppy was found, brought back to us, and the girls with their child

We are growing!

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 ⭐️ My girls are getting a new home ⭐️  My board of directors and I have contemplated this idea for two years and it’s finally coming together.  By building this new home, the girls will have a lot more space which is very much needed as they get older.  It’s further from the main road so they will be more secure from the knocks on the gate, delivery trucks, visitors, etc.  It’ll be built up to code by an amazing architect and contractor that also built our learning center and community center. AND it’ll allow the existing girls home to be used for team housing/interns AND more outreach classes.  Right now the community center is used almost every morning and evening every day for different activities but I feel like God has been throwing some ideas my way of expanding some of the ministry outreaches and having that extra space is just what we need. When I was 22 years old I stood in one corner of the yard and told the builder to go stand over there and that’s how we decided on how big

Dachena

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 I was talking to someone the other day who just took her baby to his one month check up. We were both so proud that he’s already almost 10lbs at 4 weeks old and loves to eat! But it reminded me again how malnourished Dachena was being 13 months old and weighing 13lbs. A sack of bones. I mean how little do you have to feed a child to keep them alive but be starved to nearly deaths doorstep? How many days did she not get fed? If her mama was still alive I’d say poverty played a role. Which isn’t fair. But if daddy was in the picture I’d say neglect played a role. Which isn’t fair either. Either way, the repercussions of starvation and being neglected are becoming more and more evident with this girl. She requires a lot of patience, and love, and structured discipline too.  But still to this day babies are starved and on deaths door step and we forget it’s even happening. It’s hard to imagine until that baby is on your door step.  Although I had wished there was a way for you to have bee

Armed men and armed Angels

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 We live behind a 9 ft cement wall with not one but two rows of layered barbed wire on the top. Once you get through that, we are inside a concrete house with multiple metal security doors and bars on every single window. If that’s not enough, there are armed guards standing watch in the property and a handful (or two) of dogs that are VERY territorial.  And then the only thing that really matters.... We have the God of Angel Armies watching over us and this property. A God who knows all and sees all and who is worthy to be trusted. Even in the unknowns and the what if’s and the dark middle of the night eerie sounds, He above everything else, is worthy to be trusted.  It would be such a tragedy to not accept that confident security that’s readily available will a quick call on His name. That All-powerful, All-Knowing, God of Angel Armies in your most anxious, worried and fear driven nights.  Post traumatic stress disorders can cause lasting affects for months or years to come. It’s deb

The 21st Century

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  It’s 2021. The prime time of social media, robotic surgeries, fast food on every corner, electric cars, stimulus checks, doggie day cares, overnight mail deliveries, sparkling water, heated pools, and ease. Lots and lots of ease.   And yet.... not across the world, not in some far off place, not some unreached people group that has never heard of America... no, it’s not that. It is less than 2 hours off the coast of Florida. The island that has hit our nightly news stations more times than once. The place where some people still live in thatched huts with no running water, no electricity, no mango berry exfoliating hand soap or scented shampoo made especially for curly hair. No closet full of sandals or pantries full of junk food.  It’s a place with natural beauty, majestic mountains, turquoise waters, island time, and simple living.  It’s a place that still to this day, in the 21st century, struggles to feed its people. It’s a place where you ask children what they want to be when t