End of the year

Let’s be honest. There is a lot of things missionaries don’t tell their supporters. For instance the feeling of “ burn-out” for fear that finances will stop coming in. Or explaining the stress and chaos of daily life overseas for fear that they might see you as unfit, unqualified. But let’s be real. We need to be real. So take us missionaries off the pedestal. We are no more worthy. No more holy. No more strong. So read into my diary. You’ll hear the good stories. Stories of success and dedication and victories… but be ready, because you’ll see the nitty gritty stuff too. The stuff that I shouldn’t share but have to. You have come on this journey with me as I spill out my heart onto pages. So here we go. Life doesn’t prepare you to bury your newborn child. Life doesn’t prepare you to watch your 2 week old fall unconscious and stop breathing. It doesn’t prepare you for the knocks on your door “offering” children to you time after time again. It does not prepare you for the mountains you must climb in order to get two inches closer to the witch doctors heart. It doesn’t prepare you for the illnesses month after month with the only known cause factor being stress. Nor does life prepare you to be mama to the 10 most rambunctious and darling little girls. 2017 scared me. It has made me wonder if I can keep going. If I can handle this any more. If I jumped in the deep end and suddenly forgot how to swim. But you guys, I’m going to hold on. On February 16th 2011 I gave my heart to Jesus. And when I gave it, I gave all of it. No matter the cost. No matter the sacrifice. No matter the blood, sweat, and tears. Because truly knowing Him is the only thing I want. Life hasn’t prepared me. But He has. He’s constantly been there with me through it all. He has grabbed me when I tried to run. He calmed me when the storm rolled through. He threw out the lifejacket when I jumped into the deep unknown. And he does it every time. So here is to 2018. To new adventures and challenges. To new awakenings and to new lifejackets. Here is to Him. The king of the universe. Who hold all things together. He who counts the stars and calls them all by name. How could any one live life without Him? How could one look to the stars and still not believe? He is the author. The beginning and the last. The one and only. And you will carry you through life if you’ll let him. Trust me, it makes every hardship worth it.

Comments

  1. Randy WJanuary 7, 2018 at 7:12 PM

    Ellen, your willingness to be vulnerable and honestly share the challenges difficulties, battles against burn-out, the schemes of the enemy and our own sinful flesh, make me trust you more as a missionary. The fact that you know you can't do this, any of it, from your own strength or ability, that you trust in Him, depend fully on Him, and give all you have and are for Him, says you get it. Persevere, my sister. Continue to do the awesome work He has called you to. I pray that He sustains you, renews and refreshes you, provides all you need to do the work He has called you to, blesses you with superhuman strength, and gives you health and healing.

    Bless you my sister. Look forward to seeing you in Haiti this spring.

    Randy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Randy WJanuary 7, 2018 at 7:12 PM

    Ellen, your willingness to be vulnerable and honestly share the challenges difficulties, battles against burn-out, the schemes of the enemy and our own sinful flesh, make me trust you more as a missionary. The fact that you know you can't do this, any of it, from your own strength or ability, that you trust in Him, depend fully on Him, and give all you have and are for Him, says you get it. Persevere, my sister. Continue to do the awesome work He has called you to. I pray that He sustains you, renews and refreshes you, provides all you need to do the work He has called you to, blesses you with superhuman strength, and gives you health and healing.

    Bless you my sister. Look forward to seeing you in Haiti this spring.

    Randy

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The end of 2023

Image
 2023  There’s just so many things I miss about down South at our home base. And yet so many things I’m eternally thankful have changed. Haiti life loves to throw curveballs and this year of evacuating and starting completely over was the biggest one to date for us.  Sometimes I can’t compartmentalize all the feelings. Happy and sad. Scared and at peace. Worried and content. Stressed and grateful. And although it’s been an eventful year, it’s also been a fruitful year.  I’m eager to see how the Lord guides us to minister in a new city during 2024. What’s to come is only known by Him and there’s a whole lot of joy resting in that.  There aren’t adequate words to describe my utmost gratitude and sincere thankfulness for people like you who sacrificially give to others, especially ones in a whole different country. God will bless you in return. I know He will because you are helping feed, educate, and employ many children and adults who otherwise wouldn’t have a ch...
Read more

One Year Ago Today

Image
  One year ago today.   I left on a whim. School was delayed a whole month so I decided last minute to fly to the States to visit family for 10 days and get some last minute supplies.  Half way to the airport the newly established gang was out in full force. Bullets flying, cars abandoned, tires spinning in the mud. And although I had been taking an armored car ever since I was held up at gunpoint earlier in the year, I was still told to lie down and stay down. The gang members were running down the side of the mountain and coming up behind us.  You’ve probably heard the rest. We made it to the airport, I flew to America, and then had absolutely no idea that the next time I saw my girls would be 6 months later in a brand new city.  ——  It’s been a full year since I’ve seen La Limyè Ministries home base. The 5 beautiful buildings full of so many memories, a house full of personal belongings, my sweet guard dogs and so many dedicated employees, neighbors, and...
Read more

Ministry update December 2022

Image
 I know I’ve been quiet on here lately and it’s mainly  because the grieving process of separation comes in waves of manageable to unbearable.  Sometimes I’m just at a lost for words and can’t seem to be fully present here when I’m mentally there.  It’s been 118 days since I’ve tucked my girls into bed. 118 days since I’ve squeezed them tightly in a bear hug and kissed their sweet cheeks. 118 days since I’ve told them to be nice or zip your lips or clean your room. 118 days since we’ve sang songs together in half English and half Creole, or played hide and seek, or gone to the famous gas station convenient store because that’s about all there is to do in our town for fun.  I miss my job, my house, the Haitian culture, and most importantly the little ones I’ve raised for so many years. It’s been by far the hardest season to accept but God has been faithful. Little glimpses of light He shines down faithfully. He holds my broken heart tenderly and carries me throug...
Read more