End of the year

Let’s be honest. There is a lot of things missionaries don’t tell their supporters. For instance the feeling of “ burn-out” for fear that finances will stop coming in. Or explaining the stress and chaos of daily life overseas for fear that they might see you as unfit, unqualified. But let’s be real. We need to be real. So take us missionaries off the pedestal. We are no more worthy. No more holy. No more strong. So read into my diary. You’ll hear the good stories. Stories of success and dedication and victories… but be ready, because you’ll see the nitty gritty stuff too. The stuff that I shouldn’t share but have to. You have come on this journey with me as I spill out my heart onto pages. So here we go. Life doesn’t prepare you to bury your newborn child. Life doesn’t prepare you to watch your 2 week old fall unconscious and stop breathing. It doesn’t prepare you for the knocks on your door “offering” children to you time after time again. It does not prepare you for the mountains you must climb in order to get two inches closer to the witch doctors heart. It doesn’t prepare you for the illnesses month after month with the only known cause factor being stress. Nor does life prepare you to be mama to the 10 most rambunctious and darling little girls. 2017 scared me. It has made me wonder if I can keep going. If I can handle this any more. If I jumped in the deep end and suddenly forgot how to swim. But you guys, I’m going to hold on. On February 16th 2011 I gave my heart to Jesus. And when I gave it, I gave all of it. No matter the cost. No matter the sacrifice. No matter the blood, sweat, and tears. Because truly knowing Him is the only thing I want. Life hasn’t prepared me. But He has. He’s constantly been there with me through it all. He has grabbed me when I tried to run. He calmed me when the storm rolled through. He threw out the lifejacket when I jumped into the deep unknown. And he does it every time. So here is to 2018. To new adventures and challenges. To new awakenings and to new lifejackets. Here is to Him. The king of the universe. Who hold all things together. He who counts the stars and calls them all by name. How could any one live life without Him? How could one look to the stars and still not believe? He is the author. The beginning and the last. The one and only. And you will carry you through life if you’ll let him. Trust me, it makes every hardship worth it.

Comments

  1. Randy WJanuary 7, 2018 at 7:12 PM

    Ellen, your willingness to be vulnerable and honestly share the challenges difficulties, battles against burn-out, the schemes of the enemy and our own sinful flesh, make me trust you more as a missionary. The fact that you know you can't do this, any of it, from your own strength or ability, that you trust in Him, depend fully on Him, and give all you have and are for Him, says you get it. Persevere, my sister. Continue to do the awesome work He has called you to. I pray that He sustains you, renews and refreshes you, provides all you need to do the work He has called you to, blesses you with superhuman strength, and gives you health and healing.

    Bless you my sister. Look forward to seeing you in Haiti this spring.

    Randy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Randy WJanuary 7, 2018 at 7:12 PM

    Ellen, your willingness to be vulnerable and honestly share the challenges difficulties, battles against burn-out, the schemes of the enemy and our own sinful flesh, make me trust you more as a missionary. The fact that you know you can't do this, any of it, from your own strength or ability, that you trust in Him, depend fully on Him, and give all you have and are for Him, says you get it. Persevere, my sister. Continue to do the awesome work He has called you to. I pray that He sustains you, renews and refreshes you, provides all you need to do the work He has called you to, blesses you with superhuman strength, and gives you health and healing.

    Bless you my sister. Look forward to seeing you in Haiti this spring.

    Randy

    ReplyDelete

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